I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
