you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
