In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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