I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
