dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
