dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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