I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
