Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
