Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
