His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I lost the right to judge tonight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
