i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
