mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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