I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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