You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
