i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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