I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
