I will die if light touches me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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