Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he told me I talked like a deaf person
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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