Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
