I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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