you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
