I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
