just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
