some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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