you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
