At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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