When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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