everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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