You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
