Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
