I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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