Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I puked a lego.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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