the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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