If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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