I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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