Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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