You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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