I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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