Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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