my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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