Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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