I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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