I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
