you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm really busy with my period
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