Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
