i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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