What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
