i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
