just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
