just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My ass is underappreciated
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
